Friday, March 30, 2007
i did nt mean 2 do wat i did jus nw... reallie din... but im reallie damn tired alr... i cnt do anything animore... n im gg handicapped soon... i noe myself... i neva once felt such strong muscle ache ard my shoulders... n i nv once trembled n dropped my pen while i was writing... i reallie cnt stand de pressure animore... im bursting... n watsmore, im sick... v sick... gg 2 practice even when im sick, everyday w/o fail.. im reallie tired... n practicing everyday till my arms ache lyk i'll nv b able 2 move animore... im reallie sick n tired of tis life... hain so much 2 do n so little time... n thr's so many tings tat i cnt even acheive even if i give it my 100%... n nobody's helpin my... my world is collapsing... n i cnt hold it up alone... i jus nid a break n sumone 2 help me... im lyk a tortise... carrying a heavy shell... its so diff 4 me 2 walk wif my shell...n i cnt remove it... dun even noe if i can reach my next destination n carry on 4 another... i reallie hope i can... but all the stress is killing me... i reallie gg 2 burst out soon... n nobody seems 2 understand me... reallie feel lyk droppin out frm de competition... i reallie dowan 2 lose my hands 4eva... i'll jus b a useless person if i lose my hands... im scared... reallie scared tat something will happen 2 my hands... i wun b able 2 study, work, play, wat more play viola... i'll haf 2 gif up everything then... n tats wat i dowan 2 do... i reallie dowan 2 lose my hands... but the practice is makin me lose my hands... u can blame me 4 all u wan... but im jus protecting my hands... my hands is more impt then tat stupid syf... i will sacrifice any time i can frm the practice jus cos i wana protect my hands... so if u wana blame me, i dun gif a damn... i noe im selfish... but i gt my rights 2 protect my hands... w/o my hands, i doubt i will b able 2 leave on... u all may wana kick me out... but u all jus dun dare 2 say... but, feel free 2 say it out... suggest it 2 mr lim or mr wong... u may tink im attitude... n i cnt say anything... jus tat all these is killing me... im dyin...
havin fever n block nose nw... headache oso... have been feelin lyk tis since duno hw long ago... but i jus din get mc... jus cos i dowana miss practice... n i dowan causede whole orchestra 2 get cop jus cos of me... but nw, u tink i shld kip practising lyk siao n increase de chances of getting my hand spoil n useless, or lessen de practice n protect my hands??? i din wana say... but nw, i cnt kip it anymore... everybody is selfish... so, tink of urself b4 sayin me... im jus one of many many ppl who is tryin 2 save our own self... but since im nt hurting anybody, y dunlet me do so?? i noe everybody is stressed bout tis competition n wans 2 get gd results 4 syf... but im stressed too myself... can everybody stop pressurising me????
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10:04 PM
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