a gurl hu...

ish called weizhen
is born on 19.08.92
is 14+ years old
lost her true self
lost all her confidence
lost 2 reality
nids frens
seeks help n guidance frm anybody
is seekin 4 her old self...

♥ frEnS
♥ 2739 dAreN 陈世维
♥ eVAn 蔡旻佑
♥ miCkEY
♥ chiPMuNk
♥ eEyORe

desires ::

tat me
laptop
I.P zone pants
I.P zone top
tat chain
tat stud
new bag
new slippers
new smeakers
new school shoes
new school bag
my own viola
re-paint my room

connects ::

[A]ngie
[A]nson
[A]strid
[C]alvin
[C]arrie
[C]heryl lim
[D]aren
[D]awn
[D]iya
[E]laine
[E]meline
[E]nergy
[E]van yo (cai ming you)
[F]ang yin
[F]elicia chin
[F].I.R
[G]ary
[H]anlong
[H]uijun
[H]uiyi
[J]ason
[J]elvin daddy
[J]iawen
[J]ia yu
[J]ia yuan
[J]ie min
[J]iro
[J]olene
[J]unli
[J]unxiang
[K]aiye
[K]angyang
[K]elvin
[L]eeteng
[L]eiyi
[L]ing yi
[M]an ting
[M]axi
[M]ayday
[M]elissa
[M]elvin
[M]ingrong
[M]oses
[P]eifen
[P]eishan
[R]achel
[R]ah
[R]ichmond
[S]ebastian
[S]hermaine
[T]ank
[V]anessa
[V]eron
[W]anling
[W]uzun
[X]uan hui
[Y]alun
[Y]anling
[Y]aoxin
[Y]iling
[Y]ingthong
[Y]ufang
[Y]un hann n kassandra
[Z]hi qi
[Z]hiyang
[Z]hiying

credits ::

Skin:!ADDICTED-

reminisce ::

April 2006[x]
May 2006[x]
June 2006[x]
July 2006[x]
August 2006[x]
September 2006[x]
October 2006[x]
November 2006[x]
December 2006[x]
January 2007[x]
February 2007[x]
March 2007[x]
April 2007[x]
May 2007[x]
June 2007[x]

i did nt mean 2 do wat i did jus nw... reallie din... but im reallie damn tired alr... i cnt do anything animore... n im gg handicapped soon... i noe myself... i neva once felt such strong muscle ache ard my shoulders... n i nv once trembled n dropped my pen while i was writing... i reallie cnt stand de pressure animore... im bursting... n watsmore, im sick... v sick... gg 2 practice even when im sick, everyday w/o fail.. im reallie tired... n practicing everyday till my arms ache lyk i'll nv b able 2 move animore... im reallie sick n tired of tis life... hain so much 2 do n so little time... n thr's so many tings tat i cnt even acheive even if i give it my 100%... n nobody's helpin my... my world is collapsing... n i cnt hold it up alone... i jus nid a break n sumone 2 help me... im lyk a tortise... carrying a heavy shell... its so diff 4 me 2 walk wif my shell...n i cnt remove it... dun even noe if i can reach my next destination n carry on 4 another... i reallie hope i can... but all the stress is killing me... i reallie gg 2 burst out soon... n nobody seems 2 understand me... reallie feel lyk droppin out frm de competition... i reallie dowan 2 lose my hands 4eva... i'll jus b a useless person if i lose my hands... im scared... reallie scared tat something will happen 2 my hands... i wun b able 2 study, work, play, wat more play viola... i'll haf 2 gif up everything then... n tats wat i dowan 2 do... i reallie dowan 2 lose my hands... but the practice is makin me lose my hands... u can blame me 4 all u wan... but im jus protecting my hands... my hands is more impt then tat stupid syf... i will sacrifice any time i can frm the practice jus cos i wana protect my hands... so if u wana blame me, i dun gif a damn... i noe im selfish... but i gt my rights 2 protect my hands... w/o my hands, i doubt i will b able 2 leave on... u all may wana kick me out... but u all jus dun dare 2 say... but, feel free 2 say it out... suggest it 2 mr lim or mr wong... u may tink im attitude... n i cnt say anything... jus tat all these is killing me... im dyin...

havin fever n block nose nw... headache oso... have been feelin lyk tis since duno hw long ago... but i jus din get mc... jus cos i dowana miss practice... n i dowan causede whole orchestra 2 get cop jus cos of me... but nw, u tink i shld kip practising lyk siao n increase de chances of getting my hand spoil n useless, or lessen de practice n protect my hands??? i din wana say... but nw, i cnt kip it anymore... everybody is selfish... so, tink of urself b4 sayin me... im jus one of many many ppl who is tryin 2 save our own self... but since im nt hurting anybody, y dunlet me do so?? i noe everybody is stressed bout tis competition n wans 2 get gd results 4 syf... but im stressed too myself... can everybody stop pressurising me????

i love* MICKEY!-; 10:04 PM

***


2day ish mr chia's last day... quite sad... duno who wil b teaching us le... n when he's gone, we wun b able 2 slp or chit chat in class animore... n mus hand in hw in time alr... haizz... no more teacher 2 bully le... haizz... althou i dun reallie listen 2 his lesson, i promise i will miss him when i c my new ss teacher... duno hu we will get 4 our ss teacher... hopefully nt ansar... anyway, 2day aft cca was helpin 2 mark de sec 1 geog paper... some were lyk so nonsensical lor... n de ans were lyk so funny... n i was lookin @ de SO junior de papers... n their marks were lyk... ... ... esp huijun's sis... n cheryl... oly tengda abit betta nia... lucky he nt bad... if nt viola family reallie gt no face le... den aft tat went eat dinner @ cp... den aft tat went walk walk... den jiayi was lyk so damn funny lor... den we laughed all de way out of kiddy palace... lol... den went in again n laugh again... lol... damn funny... n our stomachs was lyk so pain afft laughin so much... lol... tat reallie brightened up my mood...

anyway, my computer screen is still PINK aft 1 wk... 1 pethatic wk havin a pink screen... i wan my new laptop... hopefully mummy gets it 4 me soon... hopefully she will get it la...jus hopefully...

anyway, pls tag my board... its gettin emptier by de day... havin oly huijun n yanling taggin... pls tag more... or i'll reallie tink of closin down my tagboard soon... haizz...

i love* MICKEY!-; 7:50 PM

***




nw my head hurts... cos of her, i killed so many brain cells... no more brain cells 2 do ying yong wen le... haizz... den i tmr MUS hand it in.. haizz... n i still gotta tink... tink tink tink... duno wat 2 do lor... no brain cells le hw 2 tink?? argh!! someone pls help me!!!!!!!!!!!! i duno y i gt so many tings 2 do but im still usin de com... n i totally haf no mood 2 do all de tings lor... n thr's still de china ting n de camp ting 2 tink about... haizz... y is thr so many tings?????? shld i go china or the camp???? i reallie duno... most prob is camp... but will i regret???? haizz... gg off 2 finish my work.... hope i find back de mood 2 do all my work...

i love* MICKEY!-; 8:30 PM

***




2day nth much happen... oly tat yiling hurt her knee again... den we had 2 'fu' her 2 everywhere 4 lessons... den chem gt go lab 4 titration. den we took 4eva 2 reach thr... but i manage 2 do 4 times of de titration.. when go back class, leiyi v bad headache... den jiayi was sayin tat we were de oly well ones... but aft tat lesson, both us us suddenly haf v bad headache... den our head lyk exploding le... den i tried 2 endure de pain... but by ss lesson, i reallie cnt take it le... jus rested... nv listen 2 lessons... anw i nv do... den aft tat oral... i went up wif a headache... but aft tat, miracally, i was ok again... den reallie nth much happened le... jus nth much...

i love* MICKEY!-; 8:47 PM

***




typed a damn long msg yst... used so much time lor... budden, in de end, blogger 'eat' up my post again... walau... so damn idiotic... i was alr so damn irritated by my pink screen which alr lasted 4 4days... budden, blogger oso gt prob... walau... no nid use com le la... anw, 2day gt back math pp... get nt v gd... im nt satisfied... budden, wat can i do? jus jy 4 nxt time ba... hopefullynxt time can get betta ba... reallie hopefully... if it de prove by alot, nxt time can drop a math liao... or mabe drop e math?? lol... n i jus found out tat math mus learn sec 1 & 2 work... argh... i gt no time... haizz... prepare 2 fail... but hopefully i do not... n syf is ard de corner... we r still v lan... so sad... tmr still gt sectional... hopefully we can reallie improve... so de violins wuld nt laugh @ us... haiz...

i love* MICKEY!-; 7:16 PM

***




listening 2 933 long hu bang nw... nw @ no. 16... diya's chu mo gt 17... din hear i believe... tink shld b out liao la... quite sad la... cos i did vote quite alot 4 i believe n i wasted damnlot of stamp $$ sia... n sms n call oso...sad... anw,dun care le la... jus finished my compo correction... dun feel lyk doin de speech.. mabe nxt wk den hand in ba... so sad lor... sun still gt tuition... haizz... sianz... so tired nw... n my leg is still havin cramps... damn pain lor... hopefully it gets well by tmr...n my screen, its gettin more pink by de day... duno if it will b betta anot... hopefully, it will b lyk last time... turn back 2 normal aft awhile... i shall b more patient... will wait 4 de day 2 cum... i will miss my originally clear screen... pray hard 4 it 2 turn back 2 normal... anw, i jus went crazy again... went 2 read all my past testi... n found out tat its all frm same ppl... sad.. lol... i wan more testi... by more ppl... argh... nvm... everybody's troubled by diff tings n haf so much stress due 2 syf n homeworks n relationship prob... so, hope everybody will feel betta... cos im betta nw n i hope tat everybody will feel betta.. n happier lyk me... ok... shall stop here...

i love* MICKEY!-; 12:25 PM

***




2day woke up still feelin so tired... n my leg... ... its still so pain... even aft 1 nite's slp n rest... all thaks to mr lim n daddy... walau... both so bad... stupid mr lim... make us run so much... first wk cum back frm hols mus run so much... sianz..n daddy... oso v stupid... our leg alr v pain le den he still make us run up lv 3... so fast sia... den i nearly had another asthma attack.... so mus thank them 4 makin my leg so pain... anyway, i oso cnt do anything le... haizz... wonder when will y leg b ok... hopefully b4 nxt pe lesson... but my leg reallie damnpain... wonder hw m i gg out lata... haizz...

i love* MICKEY!-; 9:51 AM

***




its been another 2 days since i last posted... nowadays, jus seem 2 haf no time 2 blog... everyday gt SO till so late... n still gt piles of hw n tests... duno hw 2 cope... term 2 seems 2 b so much more stress den term 1... haizz... n 2day's geog test was lyk... ... i was rushing all de way n i totally 4got bout the relative humidity ting... argh... hopefully i dun fail... i reallie cnt fail lor... my geog damn lan le... haizz... tmr still meetin rachel n vanessa 2 do de ting... haizz... i nid time 2 rest...

i love* MICKEY!-; 5:22 PM

***




its been a long day... so many boring lessons... all makin me wana slp... sianz... n morning practice was lyk shit... dowan tok bout it... sianz... duno wat 2 do.. so sian... n thr's so much hw... n i dowan 2 do... esp geog n math... i duno hw 2 do den still mus do... den if anyhow do sure will get scolded de... haizz... n thr's test on fri... haven even studied yet... it would b another miracle if i pass... n i think de miracle will nv happen... haizz... i wana slp...

i love* MICKEY!-; 6:38 PM

***




its actually quite a few days since my last post le... actually oso nth much happened within de last 2days... oly tat syf is 20th april which is exactly 1 mth frm nw... argh... n our standard is still lyk... ... ... sadded... den duno huijun too stressed or wat la... she jus seems 2 b in lala land n is nt concentrating so, she jus cnt play... she kip tinkin de negative way n i tink is mental barrier tat caused her nt 2 play as well as b4 ba... jus hope she will b ok... actually i oso duno wat 2 blog... jus so sian... nth 2 do... n im damn bored... n i jus dowan 2 do hw... its all so damn diff n its all GEOG!!! other subj oso no hw... walau... hw can he gif us so much hw cum de filing cum test on fri... bad bad bad... even mrs sim oso nv gif so much hw lor... sian... budden wat can i do? haizz...

will end my post here... anyway, everybody hu is readin my blog, pls pls rmb 2 leave a tag... esp. daddy... n jieying oso... everytime read den dowan tag... i might as well close my empty tag board... haizz... signing off nw...

i love* MICKEY!-; 6:48 PM

***




actually wanted 2 blog bout friday... budden duno y, blogger sot sot de... den my post is GONE... haizz... budden nvm... let me blog bout 2day...

went mdc... i was late... v late... cos i missed de bus... n, i reached thr bout 1... den rachel n vanessa quite high... cos dey saw mayday... budden i dun reallie care la... cos i nt v v lyk mayday la... oly ok nia... den we waited... n we saw de bus came out again... den we saw mayday again... ndey went high again... lol... den we waited 4 quite long... n it was so damn WARM!!! poor rachel was wearing black... n we sat thr... n we saw a guy in a cab... vanessa tink he's quite familiar... den when he came down, we found out tat he ish weiqi... den asked him y he alone... den he say cos he late liao... budden we still took photo wif him... cos he say he still gt 3 mins... poor weiqi... haf 2 rush lyk siao cos of us... lol... den we took photo wif him lor... n rachel's pic was lyk so white... lol...

anyway, we waited quite long until rachel cnt stand it anymore... she nid water... so she went 2 recep wif vanessa 2 buy water... den i sat thr... n while they were away, i saw pornsak.. n yunying n joanne pey... n quite a few la... budden its either i 4got their names or i jus dun lyk dem... den rachel n vanessa came back... wif tickets... i tot is ren ci de lor... budden in de end found out tat is the numbers game de... budden nvm la... oso can... den we waited v long again... n there were more ppl @ radio le... den finally, we saw his car... den we were lyk crazy... den walk 2 de road... den we say hi 2 him... n he was lyk askin us wat we doin thr den we walk 2 his car n he stopped... n scroll down his window pane? i duno hw 2 phrase it... jus he made his window come down la... lol... anyway, he jus tok 2 us n ask us whether we gt de tix anot... den we say no la... den he say he oso cnt get de tix... den rachel wanted 2 take his pic la... budden vanessa left her cam @ her bag thr n 4got 2 bring... so we used rachel's fone... n it was lyk so wierd....

budden still ok la... ok.. im confusin myself... lol... den asked him whether he will b free 2 cum out anot... he said no... so nvm lor... anyway, we jus said bb n he went in... den shihui came... lol... she jus missed him... budden she nt daren fan la.. so nvm...

rah n jiemin came... den we were lyk gg crazy thr... @ ard 4, we left... 4 j8... rachel went thr 2 eat... me n vanessa jus nidded water... n we sat thr 4 quite long... discussin bout something... den we went home ard 5.30... oso nth much happened le... im jus damn tired... will slp aft de show... i haven finished my hols hw... wish me gd luk...

i love* MICKEY!-; 7:18 PM

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jus had another quarrel wif my mum.. she jus picks on everything i do... when she's jus nt happy, she wuld jus vent her anger on me... n its nt my fault... she wuld jus demand miie 2 do tings n whenever i refuses or reluctantly agreess, she wuld gif miie tat kinda attitude... oh pls... im nt born 2 b her maid... i can refuse 2 do tings... she jus cnt seem 2 understand hw normal humans tink.. she jus tot i can do everything... de tings tat she cnt do, she jus pushes it 2 miie... not carin whether i can do it or i wana do it anot... i had enough... previous few days, i was still tinkin bout their problems n tryin 2 solve it... i managed 2 somehow solve it budden, tis is wat i get in return... i reallie had enough... when can she ever spare a tot 4 me? when can she reallie know wat i feel? when can de kinda 'happy family' come back?

i reallie doubt all these would ever happen... reallie so damn doubt it... all these times, i've always tried 2 convince myself tat dey r so self obsessed due 2 their over stress in work... but nw, i reallie cnt lie 2 myself anymore... dey r jus selfish... always tryin 2 get wat dey want... no matter wat it takes... no matter hu it hurts.... guess dey oly cares bout my bro... de cute little boy tat is so ignorant about wateva happened... always makin ppl smile n always so happy by little tings... how i wished i could b lyk him... havin so many doting on him... always so happy... nt noeing wat ard... nt being stressed bout family matters...

hw i wished i could stay away 4 a period of time... gg 2 a place whr thr's no problems... i reallie wana b alone... far away frm tis place... but i cnt... reallie cnt... guess i reallie nid 2 de stress myself...

i love* MICKEY!-; 5:31 PM

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jus nw went out 2 cut my hair.... OMG!! reallie damn regretted cuttin my hair... it was terrible lyk hell... argh... hw i wished i din cut my hair... my fringe is lyk 'STRAIGHT'?!?! walau... wonder if de person know hw 2 cut hair anot... den de person damn stupid... shld cut short de place she cut long den shld cut long de part she cut short... walau... n i wonder wat her other customers tink... AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! reallie wana scream out... hopefully, my hair will grow longer by sch re opens...

i love* MICKEY!-; 3:10 PM

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2day was quite a normal day... went out 2 buy *****'s pressie... regretted on de pressie... budden still love de card... soooo nice... lol... hope she'll lyk it... n hop eshe have a v nice burfdae... althou i doubt so... cos thr will sure b ppl cryin durin her burfdae... budden still haf 2 wish tat she have a v nice n memorable burfdae...

anyway, i went 2 test my eye degree... n miracally, oly my left eye rises by 25 degree n my right eye is de same... yea... lol... anyway, i made tis spect... brown n another yellowish brown... can change colour de la... anyway, i lyk de yellow brown... n its b.u.m de... quite ex... n its my most ex spects ever... actual price is $290... budden cos de boss is my auntie de ex-colleague, we got it @ $240... duno if i will regret anot... hopefully nt ba...

i wan a new hair cut... n mabbe, im gg 2 get it tmr... hope it dosen't turn out 2 bad ba... i still nid 2 face ppl when sch re opens... anyway, pray hard tat my hair dresser will b a gd 1... ok... i'll stop tinkin so much... gg 2 read my bk le...

i love* MICKEY!-; 9:55 PM

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had a talk wif mummy jus nw... she was really sad... v v sad... i've nv seen her so sad b4... she cried alot while tokin 2 me... said alot... she reallie regretted bein so soft... but, its nt her fault... i understand hw she feel... but, she reallie shldn't do so... im confused... duno wat im tokin abt... but tings look betta nw... hopefully it will b ok b4 sch re opens... anyway, thx daddy 4 ur advice... its helpful... at least abit helpful 2 miie.. de more impt part is my dad... n i reallie dun have de courage 2 tok 2 my dad... hopefully, he will b able 2 tink it over n improve our relationship... i dowan anymore quarrels... or leng zhan... jus a happy family...
anyway, im gg 2 get new spects soon... hopefully, i'l get it b4 sch hols end... 2day's a great start... hope tmr will b betta...

i love* MICKEY!-; 8:13 PM

***


i quit readin de bible... i dun understand... n i cnt concentrate... im gg crazy... seein them lyk tat, i am reallie gg 2 gif up... jus dun care le... since she oso dun care, i dun wana care le... i cnt slp... reallie duno wat 2 do... she's jus selfish... damn selfish... nv seems 2 care bout anything... when will she ever spare a thot 4 ppl? at least 4 us... im gg crazy... reallie... i seem 2 b so alone... havin so much problems... y m i de 1?? so many ppl r havin happy family.. but me? y cnt dey understand? im v stressed alr... y r dey tryin 2 vent their anger on us? makin us all feel so bad... so sad... so stressed... n im lyk de oly one hu cares... im driven 2 de end of de road... n i reallie cnt do anything... at least i duno wat 2 do...

y mus so many tings happen 2 me? one aft another... im jus a 14 year old teenager... i jus nid a normal life... hw i wished tat my life can b lyk a movie... it can be paused... let me catch my breadth b4 continuing...

i tried my best nt 2 tink too much... but, nw tings have reallie gotten far too out of hand tat i cnt stay away frm it... if i can turn back time, i promise tat i will do sumting frm de start so as nt 2 allow tings 2 worsen... but, since i cnt, i'll try de oly way out... hope i can reallie find de courage 2 do so... hope i can reallie improve de situation... i'll do anything 2 get back de happy family tat i once had...

i love* MICKEY!-; 12:03 AM

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was readin de on9 bible... as i haven been doin so since 128569086013days ago...

jus felt so bored n i started tinkin alot again... i reallie nid 2 do somethin... 2 somethin 2 solve my problems... do somethin 2 my family...

i din reallie noe wat 2 do.. n was browsing thru some websites when i suddenly saw de on9 bible n realised tat it was donkey years ago when i haven read tat... n, mabbe i nid it 2 help me solve my problems... hopefully...

althou im nt a cristian, i find it quite enjoyable readin de bible... but, i cnt own a bible... cos my parents r buddhists n i believe tat dey will nt like de idea of me readin de bible... so, bible on9 is quite a gd choice... at least i tink so...

im still quite blur... still nt v sure wat 2 do... budden i reallie feel more relaxed... at least nt so stressed bout my problems... mabbe, i shld jus leave it 2 my parents.. mabbe... i reallie duno...

seeing them both lyk strangers @ home... i reallie duno wat 2 do... aft TAT day, i reallie duno wat 2 do... dey both seems so tired... tired aft everything happened... dey seriously nid a break... n hw i wished tat i will be able 2 help... but, i cnt...

once, i tot my family wuld be great... happy, together... but nw, i duno wat 2 tink... everybody seems so troubled... except 4 my bro... who is so ignorant n duno wat reallie happened...

reallie hope i can help... but... ... i wan my happy family...

i love* MICKEY!-; 11:11 PM

***

so diff as when my screen change colour rite? hopefully i dun get tat kinda colour screen again...

i can stop worrying bout my screen le.. can go 2 slp le... dowan 2 wake up 5.33 tmr mornin again... hopefully wanling stop tinkin bout de viola ting oso... have a happy hols w/o practices... tats nt reallie bad rite? jus relax..

i love* MICKEY!-; 11:39 PM

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c? my originally GREEN windows media player, turned RED?!?!

i love* MICKEY!-; 10:44 PM

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2 everybody out thr hu wishes 2 noe, i m nt depressed jus cos of de auditions... its partly cos of my family problems... i kept it all in my heart 4 too long.. n yst was de day i let it all out... wif de name of de auditions... so dun worry... i will still b me... i will lock everything inside again n i promise nv 2 let it out 2 make u all worried again... n 2 yanling, u read my blog but din tag.... u bag ger... everytime dowan tag me...anyway, im OFFICIALLY OK nw... aft gg out wif huijun... feel more relaxed nw... esp aft takin in so much more fresh air...
anyway, jus nw went gramercy wif huijun... den i saw tis v nice viola... im damn in love wif it... but guess de price... its $8000... n i noe i cnt afford it so, i din even dare 2 tink bout it... n i looked ard... found out tat cheryl kena cheated of her $$... cos her viola was lyk so much cheaper nw then she bought it... poor cheryl... n we walked walked... c c... n saw damn lotsa viola... all looks nice... at least betta den de sch's one... n in de end, i bought tuner tgt wif huijun...
aft tat, cos still v early, we went orchard walk walk... shun bian take my zinc card...
anyway, nth much happened... gtg le...

i love* MICKEY!-; 6:35 PM

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thx everybody hu tried 2 comfort me n make me feel betta... im reallie betta nw... much betta... yst, i jus lied on my bed... thinkin... bout all de tings u all said... althou i din understand alot, i jus felt tat u all CARES bout me... esp 2 huijun n jieying n sebastian n daddy... dun worry bout me anymore... i guess im ok... was jus v luan yst... sorted out my feelings le... im still w/o an aim in life nw budden i will find it back... no matter whether it take days or months or years 2 find it back... i will jus get it back... will try 2 find everything tat i lost back...
huijun : nw tat u r in alr, u mus jy... at least prove 2 us tat mr lim n mr chua made de right choice lettin u all get in...
jieying : did u even manage 2 cry out w/o ppl noeing? lol... anyway, u oso mus jiayou 4 de nxt auditions... since most of de 2nd violins dowan 2 try 4 de 2nd auditions le, i wan c u get in... u mus get back ur confidence in sec 1... so u can spur me on 2 get back my confidence oso...
daddy n sebastian : sry 4 makin u all worried yst... i din ever said i cnt move on... jus tat... ... i oso duno hw 2 phrase it... anyway, will reallie try 2 jy de... thx 4 all de GOLDEN WORDS yst...

i love* MICKEY!-; 8:40 AM

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2day's a terrible day... damn terrible... damn sad... nv ever felt tis way b4...
cheryl cried halfway thru de practice... tink is cos of de intense pressure caused by de auditions... damn sad... n when we went down 4 de auditions, i was totally nervous... im nt myself... i duno wat 2 do...
when it was my turn, my heartbeat was nearly 140/s... i slowly pushed de door, walked in, n sat down... lookin @ mr lim n mr chua, im totally lost... mr chua told me 2 play bar 118 of texians... i fliped thru pages n pages of de score but couldn't find it... damn scared... my hands were shivering... finally, when i found de page, i took up my viola n started playin... i missed de 1st note... GONE was everything i could tink of...
i kept on playin still... missing lotsa notes... esp third position de notes... i was oly playin till bar 124 when dey told me 2 stop... argh... i flunked my auditions... anyway, dey told me 2 play bar 29 of chorale... i played, wif some notes outta tune... n until D3 sharp, i missed it all... totally din get de tune... jus out... n i shivered... movin de bow by too much... din manage 2 finish de whole 10 beat of de note n dey told me 2 stop...
gone nw... reallie gone... i walked out... feelin damn sad... was gg 2 cry... budden i din... i ran 2 huijun n jiayu n joyce... swallowin my tears as i ran... reallie damn sad... im nt myself... ive nv played till liddat b4... missed so much... din have any confidence anymore... 1st time in my life... i lost all my confidence... dun even have 1 to de power of -x%... just zero... i wan myself back... we walked up slowly... feelin damn dissapointed... was tryin 2 calm myself down budden i failed...
i sat down... utterly dissapointed bout my performance... thot of everythin tat happened...
den, it was time 2 announce those hu gt in... i din... damn sad... even my junior is betta den me... reallie duno wat 2 feel... joyce cried... althou she gt in... huijun nearly cried... althou i duno if she cried anot... budden de 3 of us hu din get in, we din cry... at least nt in front of everybody... jiayu tried 2 make us feel betta by tellin us tat thr's a 2nd audition... sam oso... budden the fact is tat we failed... n even if we get in thru de nxt auditions, we will lose all our confidence... n de feelin inside our heart will be diff...
walked 2 de bus stop frm sch... jieying kip tokin bout de auditions... made me reallie wana cry... jus scared tat i will breakdown in front of everybody.. i held back my tears... n reallie held it back till i reached home... i locked myself inside my room... tinkin bout de times all 7 of us were practising tgt... all de time n effort we spent 4 syf... the times we gt scolded tgt... de times we received compliments tgt... when someone in de grp cry or feel low, we would comfort each other n gif each other motivation 2 work harder...
nw tat im nt in de grp anymore, thr might nt be other chances 2 do tings tgt... i will nt be gg 4 so many practices.. n we will c less of each other... i will no longer be in de full ochestra... will be lyk a new junior... oly cumin 4 practices on thurs... doin nth... no longer practising... no longer working hard tgt 4 syf anymore...
i will reallie miss de times tgt... de times in SO... de ppl thr... de tings we do...
nw tat im out... i reallie duno wat 2 do.... wat i wana do... i lost my aim in life... lost my goals 4 de future... lost de motivation... lost my confidence... n reallie duno wat 2 do... dun even noe if ive made de rite choice joinin de viola exams... i nid sumone 2guide me thru tis lost journey... but i duno hu... guess nobody will understand hw i reallie feel...

i love* MICKEY!-; 7:07 PM

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jus nw went mornin practice, reallie tink tat de juniors have improved trememdously... reallie catchin up... or had alr caught up... mabbe even ahead of miie... damn scared... 4-5 out of 7 ppl... who will be de 2 eliminated ones? who will be able 2 pass thru? reallie duno... wat if i failed... losing out 2 all my juniors... hw will i feel then? hw will mr lim feel then? reallie duno... the reality is damn cruel... cnt we all get thru?? we r lyk a family... n nw, dey r tryin 2 break us up... hopefully, no one cries tmr... no matter wat de results, we mus be brave... esp 2 de 3 small ones... huiyi, cheryl n wanling... u all mus jiayou... practice more... gif it ur 101% tmr... no matter wat de results, we mus be happi 4 de ppl hu got in...

tinkin of all de days spent practising viola tgt... will reallie miss de time we ALL practice tgt... but, if i failed, u all mus jiayous... cos i will be supportin everybody hu got in... even those hu nv get in, thr's still a chance... nxt wk... so lets all jia you ba... n all e best 4 tmr...

i love* MICKEY!-; 6:30 PM

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2day gtback all de overall results... sian.. duno wat 2 say... n 2day gt chi essay riting de trophy... damn ugly sia.. lol... sian... duno wat 2 say... jus nw SO... found out tat i reallie damn lan... can i pass thru de auditions?? will i lose out 2 my juniors? will i b 2 stressed in front of mr lim n mr chua tat i cnt play? i reallie duno... damn scared... hope tat everything will cum out fine... haizz.. wish me gd luk...

i love* MICKEY!-; 6:23 PM

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2day gt back physics paper... v damn lan... dowan say bout it... anyway, jus nw ohysics damn sian... n geog was lyk... ... ... jelvin daddy so damn 'face black black'... haizz... den actually wanted 2 revenge... budden since his mood no gd, den dun disturb him la... n math, still ok la... nth much... during recess, went staff room look 4 daddy... took tix frm him... den he came 2 our class chat wif us... den aft recess was chi... xiang lao shi was gg thru pp... damn lan sia... haizz... n aft tat was SS... i was doin sudoku... duno wat he teachin... haizz... n aft tat eng... i dowan sae le... de paper lyk shit lor... n aft tat was spa phy... den we all nv listen 2 ng wei yi de lesson de lor... n miie n leiyi went 2 jx thr tok bout chalet ting... lol... den mr mg told us go back... den we went back reluctantly... lol... aft sch was cme... nth much la... aft tat, sch end... wanted 2 go cp wif jiayi n royston... budden dey ps us... den me n leiyi went canteen... tok 2 sebastian n daddy... den daddy sat thr acc us eat... den we waited 4 daddy 2 go home... c, we so xiao shun daddy.. lol... den sebastian so ma fan... wan take a laptop nid so much time... den me n leiyi were tryin 2 run frm mdm yeo's view... cos of ankle socks la... den daddy jokingly wanted 2 tell mdm yeo... so evil sia.... den we were inside de staff room... go ransack daddy's table... gt lotsa tidbits... gt gel summore... n he gt alot of duplicated tings... den aft tat, sebastian left... cos he was late... den we go cp wif daddy... den daddy acc us take bus... n we chatted on de bus... nth much... so sian...nw doin filing... sian...

i love* MICKEY!-; 6:37 PM

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ok.. im back... we din go bugis... jus out chattin...
went hg mall mt leiyi @ ard 12.10.. cos im late... sry leiyi... stood outside hg mall told leiyi bout jx will be late n bla bla bla... den went in, saw yiling... den she acc us go walk walk... a while lata, she left... den me n leiyi went food court 2 sit sit...
jx sent me sms.. ask me whr we wana go... den we all oso duno... den ast thr... sms tok wif jx... den jx said he nid 2 reach home @ 3.30.. so we decided jus2 stay @ hg mall...
jx came @ ard 1.10... den we were chattin @ de food court...
aft tat, we shared an ice kachang... den jx messed up de table... me n leiyi kept laughin.. lol... actually he was bout 2 take de ice kachang when his spoon touched de ice kachang n it fell onto de table... he eat till v dirty lor...
den we continue chattin... n ard 3.10, jx gg 2 leave le... leiyi suggest we send him 2 de bus stop... cos we oso gt nth 2 do ma... den send lor... den aft tat, we went back ourself...

anyway, in my last post, i mentioned tat daddy v lame... n told u all 2 read his tagboard... budden he deleted... anybody curious, ask me thru msn... tagboard oso can... lol...

i love* MICKEY!-; 4:28 PM

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sunday mornin... gt woken up by a fone call... leiyi called... ask me if wana go bugis lata anot... cos @ home oso nth 2 do, i agreed... n she jus said tat jx will be gg..she callin more ppl... hopefully, thr will be more ppl...if nt will be v sian de...
anyway, jus wana say tat daddy is lame... v lame... ultra super lame... wana noe y? go c his tagboard... haizz...
shall stop here... blog again lata when i cum back...

i love* MICKEY!-; 10:22 AM

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2day was a 又好气，又好笑的一天（you hao qi, you hao xiao de yi tian)。

mornin, woke up ard 9.30... called leiyi 2 tell her bout de change in meetin time... at ard 12.20, i was @ hg mall de mac 2 mt her... she came ard 12.30+... den we walked 2 mrt station 2 mt de guys... nobody was thr... den we called junxiang... he told us go hg mall wait 4 dem... so we went hg mall lor... waited 4 dem 4 a while... den saw4 of dem... junxiang, augustine, stanley n dingren... den we stood outside kfc... dey decided v long bout whr 2 go... den we went outside city chain... leiyi n i were feelin so wierd lor... cos dey tok 2 demself den we oso duno wat 2 say... den v pek cek lor... den we waited 4 de other guys... aft quite a while, mosses came... den we were still waitin... after more time, jin long came.. den dey stood outside city chain n tok... me n leiyi felt damn wierd lor... den dey walked 2 de escalator... w/o us... walau... ps us.. den we followed... dey walk damn fast lor... we struggled 2 follow... den finally, we went up 2 level 3... dey suddenly stop... n tok tok tok... walau... so guai tai lor... den me n leiyi went 2 de front... den we started walkin.. den de guys followed... den dey started walkin v slow... walau... dey reallie damn guai tai lor... den stanley n mosses went arcade... others went food court 2 eat...

we were lookin 4 a place 2 sit den de guys kip walkin n stopin n walkin n stoppin... walau... v pek cek lei... den dey finally decided on a place 2 sit... lei yi n i were lyk "FINALLY!!" den we sat down... jx, augustine, jinlong n dingren went 2 buy food... den we were lyk chattin, when we found out tat dey all walked rounds ard de food court jus 2 decide wat 2 eat... walau... n den, dey stood in front of de chicken rice stall n chatted... den aft a while den dey go buy food.. walau... hw can anybody be so dilly dally... den dey FINALLY came back wif their food... den me n leiyi went 2 buy drinks... n we sat 2 chat... tis time is wif de guys... lol... den dey eat damn fast lor... oly augustine more normal... cos he nv eat damn fast... lol... den zu ler called jx... say he reach le... den jx tell him 2 cum up... den dingren n jinlong went toilet... den jx n augustine was guessin wat zu ler will wear... den we waited... n waited... n waited... zuler take ages 2 cum up... damn long... v pek cek lor.. dey all same kind de... lyk 2 waste time... n finally, zu ler came... den jin long n ding ren came back... n we chatted 4 awhile... den we decided 2 go... went arcade 2 look 4 mosses n stanley... stanley was playin initial d... den we waited b4 he finish de game... den we went down... de guys, as usual, were walkin, stopin, walkin, stopin... den dey walk damn fast... anyway, we went level 1, went sweet talk... de guys wan go thr buy drinks... den we went 2 take train...

de trip on de train was v funny lor... we kip suan-ing zu ler n jx... lol... n we were tinink of hw 2 suan jelvin... leiyi say wan force him 2 say out hu is mummy... den jx say mus call him MR LEE... cos he told us nt 2 call him MR LEE outside... den make him paiseh... lol... den miie n leiyi wan call him daddy... make him more paiseh... lol... anyway, we reached somerset @ ard 1.40 ba... den daddy say he @ HMV... den we went HMV find him lor... @ first, went heeren 2nd floor... den went into HMV... cnt c him... so we went level 3 of HMV... still cnt find him... den we went lv 1... still cnt find him siaa... den he called jx... say he @ level 1... den we saw him outside HMV... walau... den he came in... n we were callin "JELVIN DADDY!!" n "MR LEE!!"... lol... damn funny... n leiyi ask him whr is his guitar bk... den he say he jus nw mt mummy n passed de bk 2 her... den leiyi started askin... hu is mummy? de real de... lol... den he say dun have... reallie dun have... lol.. den we shopped ard HMV... den aft awhile, went cine... on de way, daddy say tat jin long look lyk a small boy tryin 2 act mature... lol... den me n lei yi say jx look more lyk small boy.. lol...

den we reached cine... went all de way up 2 de cinema... den dadddy suddenly ask miie hw 2 pronounce my name... walau... 3 mths le still duno my name... haizz... den b4 gg in 2 de cinema, de guys went 2 buy snacks... actually few of dem buy drinks nia... den daddy buy 1 popcorn 4 us 2 share... lol... den we walk 2 de cinema no. 3... n outside gt a sign... parental guidance... den duno hu said 2 jelvin tat nid parental guidance lei... den say wat jelvin is parent... lol... den we went in... n de show was lyk startin le lor... n it was so damn dark... cnt even find our place... den walked down...n down... n down... so damn front lor... den we were all commentin... lucky daddy nv buy 1st row... den leiyi say if nt she will throw her shoes @ him.. lol...

den we were lyk walkin in 2 our seats... den daddy sit corner... jx beside... den gt 1 empty seat... den mosses, stanley n augustine... leiyi n i were walkin in... leiyi stand in front ma... den daddy tell leiyi 2 go in n sit beside jx de empty seat... lei was lyk '???' den sat down beside augustine, tinkin tat he was tokin 2 zuler... den she told zuler 2 go in n sit... in de end, augustine went... n de sitting arrangement was lyk
augustine daddy jx mosses stanley jin long lei yi me zu ler ding ren

den we were watchin de movie... den zuler suddenly pass de popcorn 2 me... den i pass 2 leiyi... leiyi pass 2 jinlong... n bla bla bla... den aft a while, de popcorn pass back again... den in de movie gt 1 person play erhu... den we all kip sayin 'zuler'... lol... den stanley kip tokin 2 zuler,althou dey r so far away la.. lol... den stanley wan de popcorn back... den we pass back again... dotz... lame lor... me n leiyi dun even wana touch de popcorn lor... lol... den leiyi saw jx turn n tok 2 mosses... den she turned 2 ask jx if daddy even toked durin movies... lol... den jx say no... lol... den we were tokin tokin den i heard some1 say 'shhhhhh'... lol... oops... we too noisy le...

oh ya... 4got 2 say... de movie we watch is pursuit of happiness.. quite nice... n de boy 'christopher' v cute.. lol... n de movie is v touching oso... den when movie end, me n leiyi were so cold lor... n jx v urgent... lol... he imm ran 2 de toilet... lol... n de gals toilet was lyk havin such long queue... when queueing, we can c de guys in de toilet, at de basin thr chattin, waitin 4 de other guys... walau... dey so fast... den we still have 2 queue... haizz... den when we go out, all were waitin 4 us... den leiyi go touch daddy cos she v cold... den wana c if he is boil blooded de ma... lol... n leiyi suddenly ask daddy bout de cinema ting... den daddy suan leiyi lor... walau... so paiseh sia... poor leiyi... den daddy say wat he rather she nt choose jx or wat de... den he wana intro more guys 2 her... lol... tat part damn funny.. den leiyi's espression oso damn funny...

den we went down n jx wana buy shoe... den we went 1 shoe shop... den he frm outside c till inside den frm inside c till outside den frm outside c in again... still cnt find... den everybody ps him... n left.. den daddy went back 2 look 4 him... me n leiyi walk till half den wait 4 dem... dey so bad lor... ps ppl... anyway, we kip walkiin... n dey walk damn fast... den we walk into world of sports... den jx was lookin @ shoes... we all oso gt c la.. den jx suddenly took up a 4 females de shoe.. den say 'buy tis la' cos he oso v pek cek le la... den daddy say 'buy 4 leiyi'... OMG... made leiyi so paiseh... leiyi so ke lian...

den we went up level 2 of de world of sports... den leiyi n i were lookin @ roller blades... den when i turned, i found out tat de others were gone... walau.. ps us... den i look out, dey were @ de escalators thr... walau... dey v bad lei... esp daddy... cos he say de guys nt yet mature ma... den dun understand hw we feel... budden he mature le rite?? hw can still ps us... walau... damn angry lor... den we walked out of de shop... daddy was lookin @ us... so bad... den we ran 2 de escalator... den leiyi was practically shoutin 'JELVIN DADDY!!' budden he din hear... walau.. so deaf sia...she wana scold him de lor... den we went down... leiyi go punch daddy's arms... lol... den we were scoldin him... haha... whu tell him wan be so bad... den daddy push de blame 2 de guys... den lecture dem say wat we go in is cos jx wana buy shoe den we jus acc dem nia... den dey ps us... v bad... budden he noe v bad still ps us...walau...

den we went heeren... went 2 flash n splash... den dey all go in n c tings... leiyi saw a shoe... is gt a gal pole dance de... den she was practically tellin everybody... den jx n gang came 2 our thr... den leiyi oso tell dem... den daddy wana say sumting den dowan say den i v pekcek ask him wat... den he told me budden tell miie nt 2 tell leiyi... den we went out, den daddy kip tell me nt 2 tell leiyi... den leiyi oso v pek cek kip askin him wat... den he told leiyi budden say cnt tell jx... de ting is... daddy actually wanted 2 tell jx 'since leiyi lyk it, y dun u buy it'... lol... actually leiyi dun lyk it lor... lol... den leiyi kip wana hit daddy.. lol.. she damn pek cek lor... den we went into de limited edition de shop... den augustine was jumpin over de sofa ting... den we were lyk 'dotz' so childish lor... den we were standin thr chattin when jx n zu ler n daddy ps us... dey went out... den i suddenly found out... den we went out... scold dem... dey v bad... kip ps us... den we were complainin 2 daddy den he kip tellin us or issit jus leiyi tat we/she nid 2 gif JX n de others more time... den i was lyk 'dotz' y stress on jx... lol... c? he kip suan-ing leiyi... poor leiyi... den say wat dey still dun understand gals... den he oso kip lecture de guys... say wat in their conversation nv include us den duno wat la...

anyway, he jus kept lecturin de guys... den kip tellin us or issit jus leiyi tat de guys nid more time n say tat dey nt mature yet... lol... den jx suddenly say his leg damn pain la... cos his shoe damn small... den leiyi duno say wat ting... tink is bout his oly pair of shoe de... den jin long told daddy something bad bout leiyi... den dey started suan-ing leiyi... den daddy told ment 2 tell leiyi... lol.. poor leiyi... den duno say till wat den stanley nid 2 leave le den leiyi oso nid 2 leave le... so we left lor... we were walkin out.. @ 1 place, everybody started payin daddy $$ 4 de movie... den jin long suddenly found out tat he left his wallet @ de cinema... den daddy started his lecture again... say wat everytime leave cinema mus check everything b4 gg... den we separated... jin long, ding ren, augustine, stanley, mosses n zu ler went back 2 de cinema n find jin long de wallet...

daddy n jx sent us 2 de mrt station... n is daddy wan send us thr de lor... cnt imagine rite? he so nice? lol... anyway, on de way thr, jx kip cursin... den daddy was lyk so pek cek... den jx kip sayin OMG... make him more pek cek.... lol... den we went in... said bb... den was walkin down de stairs when leiyi shouted 'BYE BYE JELVIN DADDY'... den daddy gif de wierd expression... lol... den in front gt 1 ang mo... he turn back look @ us den smile.. lol... so paiseh... lol.. den we went onto de train... n was lyk chattin bout de day... i kept sayin tat daddy reallie look lyk he brought all his children out 2 play... or issit he look lyk a teacher bring students 4 an excursion... lol... den suddenly found out tat we 4got 2 take pix... den we sms jx tell him 2 help us take... den found out tat everybody went home le... left him n jelvin... den we ask jx 2 take jelvin nia... duno if t take anot... if gt take, i will blog it... lol...

nw 11.30 liao... tink jx n daddy n brandan go de concert shld end le.. hopefully jx faster on9... i wan de pix... haha... will end here... gt anything rong bout my blog, pls tag 2 tell me.. thx...

daddy damn funny...

i love* MICKEY!-; 7:11 PM

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2day gt back quite alot of paper.. passed all... budden still v lan siaa... sian...
common test:
El - 25/50
Cl - 46/70
E Math - 36/50
A Math - 33/50
Chem - 37/50
SS - 9/16
Geog - 18.5/35

haizz... all jus pass nia... n i oso noe sum of de overall marks le...
El - 59%
Cl - 68%
E Math - 72%
A Math - 66%

haizz... if tis kip gg on, i will sure die de... no study mood.... n all de exams so diff sia..

2day, daddy damn bad lor... dowan help miie add marks... if i dun get 1/2 more marks, de combine wif my class test marks will fail de lei... n its lyk 49.9... walau... n hor, he kip sayin tat add project marks n de positive n negative effects tat ting den sure wun fail de... budden, fail paper v bad lei... n hor, i oso dowan get c6... until nw still no c6 lei... worse is el, c5 oly... haizz...

anyway, mabbe tmr gg cine wif lei yi n dionne n de guys... nt cfm... budden duno la... dey haven decide on anything yet... so cnt cfm... sian... still mus g pay 4 de FC chalet ting... budden dun even noe if can go anot lor... haizz... sian... gg 2 slp le... anyway, 2day mummy last day in sch... din get 2 c her... haizz... wish her gd luk 4 her a level results ba...

i love* MICKEY!-; 4:05 PM

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2day gt back emath n amath pp... i nv fail... another miracle... cos i c amath 1st qn, i duno hw 2 do le... n i gt a2 4 my emath... so happi... n i oso gt back my el... oso nv fail... i gt 5th in class... actually quite alot of ppl same marks as me la.. lol... li shyan gt 1st... 66... jiayuan 2nd, 65, yiling 3rd... 62... fangying 4th... 60... n i gt 59... walau... oly c5 nia... mus go find more marks la... i wan a b4... sianz... n i passed my cl oso... yea... so happy... lol... budden chem sure fail de... cos i duno wat dey askin la... n i nv do my ten-year-series... n all de qn is tys de... sian... haizz... n 2day, i gt myself a new daddy... jelvin lee... lol... daddy owe us ang pow worr.. lol... anyway, i gtg le... gd luk 4 my results... daddy, i wan my geo paper...

i love* MICKEY!-; 3:54 PM

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